Hush Little Baby, Sheltered In Place

Hush little baby, sheltered in place
Papa's gonna buy you a mask for your face.

If you can't go outside due to civil unrest
Papa's gonna buy you a standing desk.

If that standing desk don't stand
Papa's gonna buy you a resistance band.

If that resistance band goes snap
Papa's gonna get you on the Clubhouse app.

If Clubhouse gets flooded with plebs
Papa's gonna make you sourdough bread.

If the bread doesn't turn out like the food bloggers'
Papa's gonna buy you a hoodie and joggers.

If that loungewear never leaves your room
Papa's gonna get you a ring light for Zoom.

If Zoom makes your laptop overheat
Papa's gonna buy you UberEats.

If UberEats gets your order wrong
Papa's gonna buy you a Peloton.

If that Peloton don't spin
Papa's gonna buy you a whole home gym.

If that equipment don't arrive on time
Papa's gonna buy you Amazon Prime.

If Prime doesn't give you a free renewal
Papa's gonna send you to virtual school.

If you fail out of your online classes
Papa's gonna buy you blue light glasses.

If those glasses have too much glare
Papa's gonna buy you an ergonomic chair.

If that chair breaks with no warranty
Papa's gonna buy you an NFT.

If that NFT doesn't make you rich
Papa's gonna buy you a Nintendo Switch.

If Animal Crossing makes your brain cells rot
Papa's gonna get you a Pfizer shot.

If you decide you're anti-vax
Papa's gonna buy you HBO Max.

If HBO starts showing ads
That might just be the last straw for your dad.

'Cause if the reopening keeps up this pace...

...Papa's gonna sell it all on Marketplace.